These Things Happen....Right?!?!

So, I was driving home the other day, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, I got this terrible, nasty, horrible surprise.

What happened?

Well, I surprised this really big bird as I came around a corner. The Farmer thinks it must have been a buzzard, but said bird dropped a bunch of dead animal guts all over my car -- I would liken it to having chum, just in this case it wasn't fish, dropped all over your car!

That's right. All over the top of my car. All down the windshield. Chunks in the windshield wipers. All over the hood. On my driver's-side window. In the air intake right under my windshield wipers.

All over the car.

My car immediately filled with the smell of dead, rotting flesh, and I had to cover my mouth and nose with my hand to make it the rest of the way home so that I could escape the smelly inside. I kept thanking God that I am not particularly squeamish so that I didn't have the smell of barf to add to the smell of dead animal in the car...

I pulled up to the house, and ran out of the car as fast as I could to get some fresh air and find a hose. Only, no hose. So, I ran inside and called The Farmer. Only I couldn't get him. So I found a pitcher in the kitchen and went outside and turned on the spigot and went to work going back and forth between the car and the spigot trying to get the chunks of dead animal off the car. Only it wasn't really working because the chunks were too big. And it was really starting to stink in the hot August sun.

So I ran back in and called The Farmer's office and begged them to call him on the radio and have him call me immediately -- at this point I had to leave to pick up Miss Priss from school in fifteen minutes. Luckily they got him, he called me right away, and was not far from our house. I got back in the car -- dry heaving the entire way -- and drove over to the shed where The Farmer was working. He used this big, powerful hose to blast as much of the guts off the car as he could, but he ended up having to pick some of it out of the windshield wipers and air intake with his hands (bless his heart, but better him than me).

The car smelled better -- though not normal (I was trying to take very shallow breaths -- and when Sassy got in the car later, she said "Eew, disgusting, what is that smell?") -- and I was on my way. But, every time I see a big bird now, I sure cringe!

To make matters worse, that night The Farmer and I woke up to BAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!! Once we turned on the lights, we realized that our ceiling fan had fallen out of the ceiling and was whacking the post on our rice bed! Thankfully it woke us up when it was hitting the bed and not hitting us...

Like I said, these things happen...right? I feel like I'm on some kind of hidden camera show...