Life always gets to be a little bit tough for me this time of year. The Farmer is working more and more, and so I am solo more and more. I am solo in parenting. I am solo at social functions. I am solo in keeping up with the house and everyday life.
Sometimes that just really stinks.
This is the time of year when I start to feel like I can hardly keep my head above water; by June I am just numb to it, but the beginning is the hardest. I can't keep up with the housework. I can't keep up with the laundry, and if I do get it washed and folded, it sits in the basket for a week or so at a time.
I am also working more, so I feel guilty having the kids with a babysitter so much (even though they love our babysitter, thank goodness). But, then, when I am with the kids, I am so much more irritable with them. I feel like I scream too much over things that I really shouldn't scream about, then I feel guilty about that. Sometimes it's great that Bubba loves me so much that he wants me to do everything for him, but sometimes it just makes me want to scream.
Then there's the social aspect -- I really hate to be the third wheel. I don't like to go to things that are just our group of friends and everyone's husband is there except for mine. I really hate to go to stuff with our friends and their families, and all of my friends have the help of their husbands to corral their children -- I just have me.
It isn't The Farmer's fault. He is a farmer, and this is when he starts to get busy. I know that -- especially having grown up on a farm myself -- but it doesn't make it any easier when the time comes. It also isn't the kids' fault and/or isn't a matter of me having too many kids -- I would feel the same way with 1 or 10 kids. This is just a symptom of the life we have lead for the past 6 1/2 years, and it's one reason that I'm glad that we're moving. Yes, I will still have to go through the solo parenting, but it won't be nearly as long.
Last year I told myself that I wasn't going to allow myself to feel sorry for myself, and tomorrow I am going to go back to that. Instead of concentrating on the negative, I am going to focus on all of the blessings I have in my life. I don't want to miss all of the good parts because I am so busy complaining to myself.
But tonight?
Tonight I'm going to continue my pity party.
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3 comments:
Ice cream goes well with pity parties. I speak from experience and it makes you feel better, really it does.
Don't forget the whipped cream. :-)
I am in the same boat as you - though I think tax season is not nearly as long. But it is tough being a single parent! It makes me appreciate those moms who do it day in and day out their entire lives. There is no way that I could do it! I love my children, but I get the same way, I get snippy with them and part of it is that I'm so stressed out about having to do everything myself. Cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc and on top of that working part time. But you are right, before you know it, these days will have passed us by and we'll long for the days that our children were young and innocent! I'll be thinking about you too and if we were in the same time we could have our own pity party together while our husbands work late and long hours!! :)
And hey, you won the give away on Clemson Girl and the Coach!! That should make you smile :) Throw some wine in that new mug! Ha!
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