On One Hand

On one hand, I am really excited because I feel like everything is really falling into place for our move.

Two weeks ago, we closed on our land near the farm. One week ago, we got an offer on our house. A day later I got a Facebook message from a builder who had heard we were building and was interested in doing our construction; I had never met this contractor (we have mutual friends), so his message was totally out of the blue.

I feel totally at peace with this move and that this is the direction that we are supposed to be going.

I am so excited about our house plan. I have been looking through every design magazine/blog under the sun dreaming of floors, countertops, furniture, and fixtures. I can't wait to plan everything out for our new house.

But.

On the other hand, I have started to get these little panicky feelings every once in a while. It will hit me suddenly that this move is real, that it is imminent.

Miss Priss and I had a conversation on the way to school the other day about how much she is going to miss her school next year.

I went on a walk along the waterfront and over the bridge one morning, and it occurred to me that I won't be seeing that beautiful view every morning soon; I had told myself when we moved here that I would never again take it for granted, but, in the almost-seven years since, I have.

We had our BFFs, my sister, brother, and their families over for dinner Saturday night, and I realized that it was probably the last time we will ever have people over in this house.

My uncle came into my office this morning to tell me that he had heard that we had sold the house and that he was sad to see us go, and my aunt called to tell me the same thing.

Little (and big) things keep making me sad, and I know it will only get worse as August approaches.

I know we are making the right decision to move, but that does not mean that it isn't going to be one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I love our life here -- but, then again, I hate our life here. If only we had a normal life here...

So, over the next few months, you will probably hear a lot of contradictory things from me -- excitement followed by terror; happiness followed by sadness.

I don't have a mental problem, I promise.

I'm just moving.